A Retirement Party & A Tombstone

This week’s Trying It On offers a powerful reflective tool in two parts: The Retirement Party and the Tombstone Exercise. Both address the values process and can be used interchangeably.

For the first exercise, I invite you to try this exercise for yourself and notice how this exercise creates space to explore deeply held values and clarifies what matters most. The second is an example of how you might use it in session with a client.

Purpose of the Exercises

The goal of these exercises is to identify personal values—those guiding principles that shape how individuals want to live and work. By imagining reflections from others at the end of a career or life, this exercise provides clarity on what truly matters and serves as a compass for decision-making and behavior.

Retirement Party

For Clinicians: Reflecting on Professional Values

Step 1: Imagine Your Retirement Party

• Ask yourself: “What will my retirement party look like?”
• Picture the setting: Your colleagues, family, and friends have gathered to celebrate the conclusion of your career.

Step 2: Listen to the Speeches

• Imagine what others are saying about you—your work with patients, relationships with colleagues, and how you balanced personal and professional life.

• Reflect:

  • What would you hope they say?

  • What values do these reflections highlight (e.g., compassion, dedication, integrity, balance)?

Step 3: Write It Down
Take a moment to jot down key themes or phrases that emerge. These can guide your understanding of how your values show up in your professional life.

The Tombstone Exercise

For Clients: Clarifying Life Values

Step 1: Introduce the Scenario
Say:

• “I want to better understand what matters most to you. Let’s try a little thought experiment to explore this.”
• “Imagine you are at the end of your life and being laid to rest. Your loved ones are gathered, reflecting on your life. What do you hope they will say about you? What would you want written on your tombstone?”

Step 2: Explore Their Reflections
Encourage them to think about:

• The qualities or virtues they hope others remember (e.g., kindness, courage, generosity).
• How they want their relationships, contributions, and life choices to be described.

Step 3: Facilitate a Discussion

• Ask:

  • “What themes or values stood out to you?”

  • “Are these values present in your life today? If not, what might you change to better align with them?”

Observations and Applications

Insights for Professional Practice

• Use the Retirement Party exercise as a way to reflect on your own values and how they align with your work as a clinician.
• Consider how these values can influence your approach to patient care, teamwork, and work-life balance.

Insights for Client Work

• Observe how easily the client connects with this exercise and the clarity of their reflections.
• Use their responses to identify areas where their current life may or may not align with their values.

Follow-Up

Encourage the client to take small, actionable steps toward living more in alignment with their values. For yourself, consider journaling about your professional and personal values and identifying ways to live them out more fully.

The Retirement Party & Tombstone Exercises are powerful tools for self-reflection and values clarification. Give it a try this week, and let it inform your work and the work you do with clients.